3 Days November 11, 2009

MONDAY

All 21 kids showed up for the first time ever. I didn’t have enough chairs, enough copies, or enough patience. I had stayed up too late the night before, which was my fault, but didn’t help the situation. My newest student would not stop crying. There was not enough me to go around. I finally put the kids down for a nap and had a very difficult meeting with the parent of a student who, at a very new 4, is the only student in my class to be reading. We talked about how her daughter does not like coming to school and about how there is very little I can do. I watched her walk away frustrated and sad.

TUESDAY

20 students today. Everything went fine until about 12:30 during the last bathroom break before nap time. One of my students started falling back on the bench he was sitting on while waiting for his turn. My assistant caught him and he went limp. She said his name and he came to. She asked him if he could stand up and when he tried he went limp again. He was hurried off to his mother by my assistant, then to the doctor and then to the emergency room. Meanwhile, alone with the rest of the class, my newest student has had a poop accident in her pants and does not have spare clothes and another student upon getting back to the classroom decided to take a wet paint brush and paint all over the desk. When yelled at, she became inconsolable, crying her little eyes out. Another student then started to cry. The rest of the students are taking this time as a free for all.

WEDNESDAY

19 students today. My newest student has another inconsolable day and as she cannot speak English, I cannot help her in any way, nor can my assistant. I found out that my student who passed out yesterday most likely had a seizure. I was under the impression that I would be observing in a different school today, but got the dates wrong which throughly bummed me out.  I had a student draw a disturbing picture including his dad, his mother , who was crying, his brother, and himself with a gun. A conversation with him about it did not make me feel any better so I had to report it to administration which always means more paperwork. At lunch, a little girl threw up on herself. My new student’s father ran into our class (yes, she was still crying) and took his daughter, then came back to talk to me about his concerns with his daughter in my class. My assistant had to leave because she wasn’t feeling well. I wasn’t feeling well either, but I couldn’t leave. I had a little girl wake up soaked with pee and 5 others needing to go to the bathroom. Again, there wasn’t enough me to go around.

All of the events of the past 3 days have put me into complete exhaustion. I don’t know how much longer I can take it all… if something doesn’t change I don’t think I’m going to make it through this school year. May seems like years and years away and I have nothing left to give. Nothing.

Tomorrow is my day to go observe another school. I get a day away from the mosque and all it’s issues to go try to learn about how to fix them. I am considering tomorrow’s small break a big gift from a God who loves me and knows what I need. I just hope it works.

Doing it yourself… and why I’ve been gone November 3, 2009

Dear Faithful Blog Readers,

I’m sorry I’ve been gone. I’m sorry I’ve kind of disappeared as far as this blog has gone… I do have a reason, but it isn’t an excuse: I have been burnt out and overwhelmed.

The burning out is all job related… I’m over any newness that may have stuck around and now I’m just praying every day that God get me through that day and give me a shard of joy as I do it. It shouldn’t surprise me that I don’t particularly like it… I never wanted to be an early childhood teacher and here I am, teaching preschool. I’m just thankful to get through each day as it comes.

The overwhelmed part is everything combined: what I WANT to do and what I HAVE to do. The want to do stuff might not even be what you’re thinking- it comes down to cleaning my room and making time to make Halloween costumes… and hanging out with people. The have to do stuff is stuff like work and oil changes and hanging out with grandparents. You know… those things you just can’t get away from. It all just boils down to me being overwhelmed with almost everything.

But in the end, people and hanging out with my friends comes first and will continue to come first. I will most likely no longer be blogging every day… the people in my life are too important to put a blog before them. So you’ll know when I blog, but it won’t happen every day. Just when I have a little piece of wisdom or a funny story.

Like this…

Today we were making kites. Not real kites, just a little paper and straw kite to stand for our letter of the week (K) and to help the kids practice their cutting and gluing and following directions skills. I had a few who cut their kites into two… I say kites plural because I gave them each two because they messed their first ones up so badly. They turned out messy and I’m sure the parents will have a raised eyebrow when they find these “kites” in their child’s take home folder.

So many things with preschoolers would be SO much easier if I just did them myself. Like lightyears easier. Simple things like ripping a piece of paper towel for the kids to dry their hands after washing them or more complicated things like cutting out a shape. It’s hard sometimes to let the kids do it. It takes longer, it gets messy, it can frustrate the poop out of you.

But so many times that’s exactly what I have to do. I have to hold myself back and let the kids do it, whether or not it looks good, goes quickly, or makes me crazy.

It’s what God’s attitude is towards us. Of course it would be SO much easier for him to just swoop in and do whatever it is that needs to be done in our lives so it looks good and makes more sense. Of course it’s gonna take longer and be more messy. But he lets us do it on our own so we’ll learn.

There are no lessons you learn from sitting back and letting someone else do the work. My kids would never learn how to cut if I didn’t give them a pair of scissors and say “go for it.” They would never learn how to be independent if I always put their shoes on, ripped off a paper towel, or colored for them. It would be a heck of a lot easier on me, but o the lessons they wouldn’t learn!

Please don’t misunderstand the message of this blog… Of course God comes in and helps from time to time, just like I come in and help my kids from time to time. He is always there, watching over our shoulder, but he also lets us do things ourselves, knowing it’ll result in a lesson somewhere down the road and we’ll be better because of it.

It’s really kinda cool. God’s pretty cool himself.

A Miserable day October 23, 2009

Today was supposed to be good. Today had promise. Today was a huge disapointment.

When I first got to school, the PK4 teacher started talking to me about report cards, asking if I’d done them yet. “Done them?” I said, “I didn’t know they existed!” I proceeded to go up to the office and ask for one and became almost immediately overwhelmed with all the places I needed to evaluate all of my kids on. It would have been so much nicer if I had just known they existed… like 2 months ago.

Then, the principal came down to tell us that there was a flood and that the bathrooms we use were closed. That meant we had to go all the way through the rest of the school to use the 3 stalls in the bathrooms up there.

Then, we found out that the cafeteria was also flooded and we’d be ordering pizza and eating in the classroom but that the pizza wouldn’t arrive until 30 minutes after our lunch was supposed to start.

Then, I had a kid slap another across the face. I took him out in the hallway to yell at him.  A parent saw me and complained that I was being “too harsh” with a 3-year-old.

Then, they decided to close the school so we had parents all over the place in mass confusion, all wanting to talk to me about how their kid was doing and why the school was closing and whether their kid ate their lunch that day.

I had one little girl left. I went to the office to see if they had called mom… and got a resounding yes. The mom came about an hour later. She hadn’t gotten a call.

Meanwhile, I have one of the most massive headaches I can recall and I’m not getting all the information until 5 minutes after things are happening.

It was miserable. One of several terrible days in this hellish week.

The only redeeming qualities about today were getting off work 30 minutes early, the fact that it’s Friday and I don’t have to go back for another 2 days, and the couple parents that made it a point to come up to me and tell me how much their children love me. One mom even told me a story about how her son (in my class) and her daughter (in kindergarten) had a conversation about who had the best teacher and in the end both agreed that Khala Megan was the best.

I needed that today.

It’s been a while… October 20, 2009

I haven’t posted the last couple work days simply because my life has been busy and people are always more important than blogs. Or really anything.

Little updates on my classroom… My little 2-year-old friend has been removed from my classroom due to the fact that she was too young and incapable of completing the activities/requirements of the other kids in my class (i.e. being potty trained). Since, my classroom has been much quieter… I’m already feeling like I can take risks with activities that might have been too hard to do if one of us had to babysit. It’s really a lot better now. Sad that I can say it’s better without her, but it is.

I’ve been talking to my assistant a lot lately about her life and religion (she converted a couple months ago) and it has been really interesting. I knew she was married so I asked about her husband and she told me that they got married shortly after she converted and had never dated before then. It sounded like a marriage of convenience and “what we’re supposed to do”  instead of a marriage of love. It made me sad to think about it, but to each their own I guess.

As we have been coming closer to Halloween (a favorite holiday of mine), an article appeared in the school newsletter about how Halloween is the worst holiday for Muslims to participate in. Apparently Halloween was also a favorite of Alice’s… that is, before she converted.

I sing a lot in my classroom and the other day I asked Alice what kind of music she listened to. Apparently she hasn’t listened to music since she converted. She’s said it was hard.

All of those things led me to this question… What made Islam so appealing to you? This is the response I got:

Growing up Pentecostal, she saw many things in the church that confused her (speaking in tounges, how people can “repent” one minute and go back to the same sin the next, using oil as a method of forgiveness, etc.) and so she started Googling options. According to her, Islam isn’t that different from Pentecostal, except for the Jesus thing (A BIG difference, but whatever), so it was relatively easy to switch. When Alice had asked questions of the Christian people in her life, she hadn’t gotten sufficient answers so she was drawn away. She also liked the method of Islam… the washing, praying 5 times a day, fasting, etc.

All in all, she was seeking and found answers somewhere else.

I’m continuing to pray for her as we work together and as she learns more about me as well as her new found religion. I know God’s at work, but we’ll see what he has in store.

I’m doing fine in my job, but it still is just that: a job. I find myself looking forward to May, looking forward to what’s after this short chapter in my life, looking forward to how God’s gonna use all of it to His glory. Right now, after this year, I want to find a job as a wedding planner. I don’t know how that’ll go and if it’ll go, but I am getting over the idea of being a teacher. Yes, it is something I’m good at, but in so many ways I feel unused and unfulfilled. Getting out of bed in the morning gets harder and harder. I’ll be very ready to move forward after this year.

Doing what, only God and time can tell.

Getting it October 14, 2009

Today was another good day in Khala Megan’s room… I think the kids are actually starting to understand where they go and what is expected of them! It only took me a couple months! Now i can really focus on making things the way I really want them- with the kids being self-sufficient and me not having to use my loud voice to get things done.

Alice had a sub today… and it worked out fine! She was really go with the flow and just kinda mixed in with my classroom nicely. Apparently she helped out a couple years ago with the preschool kiddos so she knows what’s up!

Now I’m just praising God for his provision… it has been a lot of work but a lot of prayers have been answered and I know that’s just the beginning of the story for him!

Sorry it’s not a more interesting blog today… no new news to report I guess!

Mice in the Mosque October 13, 2009

So if you know me at all, you probably also know that I have a pretty serious fear of mice, rats, squirrels, chipmunks… really any kind of rodent, but especially mice and rats. Today was not my day as far as that was concerned.

Here we are, having a wonderful day (I had 10 kids absent today… I hope they’re all ok and all, but seriously, it was beautiful having only 11!) and we went over to the cafeteria for lunch. We were the first group in the cafeteria, so we went into our little area with the little tables and little chairs and started to eat. I went over to get the couple hot lunches my students had ordered and here “Sister, there’s a mouse over there!” AHHHHH!!!! I freaked out… I was proud of myself for not jumping up on to the table next to me. One of the cafeteria workers pointed to the middle of the room where a pile of prayer rugs were and said that there was another 10 or so under them. She was moving them to move the tables and they had all scattered back under the rugs.

Ok, seriously. SOOOOO GROSSS!!!! I’m proud I kept my composure as well as I did.

Apparently there have been mice in the cafeteria for some time… no one has bothered to do anything about it. (Sick. I’m one phone call away from the department of health.)

And apparently, there have been mice in the classrooms upstairs too.

And apparently they dont’ want me to stay sane this year. Cause one thing’s for sure… if those little mice scurry their way into my classroom, all hell WILL break loose. Don’t doubt me.

The assistant principal said they’ll be getting humane traps because she doesn’t want to hurt them. (Islamic code- Don’t hurt anything Allah has created.) I say GET THE GOSH DARN EXTERMINATOR IN THERE!!!  For real! This is a school cafeteria! If we have that big of a problem some drastic actions need to be taken.

SO gross. I have goose bumps just thinking about it.

The early childhood department decided it would be better to eat in our classrooms.

That’s great and all, but if we already have a mouse problem I REALLY don’t want to invite them over to my room. I will be deep cleaning EVERYDAY to make sure there is not a crumb for those little nasties to chew on.

UGH!!! YUCK!!!

Sorry, Security Guard, but no. October 12, 2009

At school we have a “security guard.” I put it in quotation marks because I don’t feel all that secure with him just sitting at a table looking out the window all day, but whatever. It’s his job.

Today, the “security guard” asked me if I knew one of the Arabic prayers. I responded “Oh, no, I’m not Muslim,” to which he responded “You will be.”

That perked my ears right up and I got into it as much as possible with him while I ran back and forth to my class. He seems to think that Jesus was a Muslim and that He didn’t ever say that He was the Son of God. (HAHA… what DID he say then?) I gave him the shortest gospel ever… “I believe Jesus was the Son of God and that he died for my sins.” and had to run off and go back to my classroom.

Still, what Mr. Security said stayed with me all day. It’s still in my mind. I hate the “all inclusive” religion… NO, I WON’T BE A MUSLIM! No, Jesus was not a Muslim.

I have so So SO many reasons for not being a Muslim, but the first, biggest, and most important reason is that I am forgiven by the fact that God sent his Son to die on the cross and take up all of my sins (and everyone else’s too) so that I can be considered sinless in God’s sight, and then He rose again to prove that he was stronger than death. It’s the only truth there is.

There is none after him. Period. I don’t need another prophet to tell me what to do or how to live. I’ve got it covered.

_________________________________________________________________

EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATORS:

Tell me what you know about Montessori schools and their teaching methods… I’m considering converting my class to that format!

I already did, but… October 9, 2009

“Simon said, “Master, we’ve been fishing hard all night and haven’t caught even a minnow. But if you say so, I’ll let out the nets.” It was no sooner said than done- a huge haul of fish, straining the nets past capacity. They waved to their partners in the other boat to come help them. The filled both boats, nearly swamping them with the catch. Simon Peter, when he saw it, fell to his knees before Jesus. “Master, leave. I’m a sinner and I can’t handle this holiness. Leave me to myself.” When the pulled in that catch of fish, awe overwhelmed Simon and everyone with him. It was the same with James and John, Zebedee’s sons, coworkers with Simon. Jesus said to Simon, ” There is nothing to fear. From now on, you’ll be fishing for men and women.” The pulled their boats up on the beach, left them, nets and all, and followed him.”        -Luke 5:5-11, The Message

As I was reading this last night a whole bunch of things hit me.

Admittedly, it’s been a while since I’ve read this story and it was the first time I’ve ever read it in this translation so that could definitely be a part of the reason, but I truly believe God was speaking to me through his word.

1. When Peter (or Simon) is first told to put his nets out, he does but not without first making a point to say that he’d already been there, done that. The difference this time is that Jesus was with them. Jesus was in charge. Jesus had it all figured out before he did. Awesome.
2. When Peter finally did do what he was told, it was even more good than he could handle. It was almost more good than a whole bunch of people could handle. Think of how much good Christians would be able to bring in if only we really did what Jesus asked us to.
3. Jesus asks us to be a part of his holiness. Peter tried to step away, but nuh uh. Jesus called him back.
4. Jesus said “come with me and you’ll fish for people” and the fishermen left. Think about it. The left EVERYTHING. That includes the ENTIRE CATCH OF FISH!!! That’s a REALLY BIG deal.
5. This is our calling too, as Christians. Now all I want is a big people net so I can go catch the men and women!

Today was a better day. Actually the difference in today and yesterday was like night and day. I did have to pack up almost my entire classroom to make sure the kids at the weekend mosque activities don’t come in and terrorize my classroom (It sounds harsh, I know, but its happened before and that IS the right word for it.). I hope it works.

I’m just REALLY glad it’s the weekend.

Little Barometers October 8, 2009

Today was nasty.

The weather was gross. The kids were a mess. I was late… my power went out yesterday and while I was very careful to set my alarm time to the a.m., I wasn’t as careful to set the real time to the p.m. So this morning my alarm didn’t go off because it was set to the p.m. time and the alarm was set to the a.m. time. Ugh.

The kids were a disaster today. None of them listened, none of them followed directions, none of them did what they were supposed to do. Meanwhile, I’ve got the pk4 assistant telling me how behind I am in the Arabic lessons and how many coloring sheets I have to give my kids today. They were colored out.

So I took them to the gym to run around.

None of the p.e. equipment was anywhere to be found so I let them run.

My bad.

Several kids fell, but one fell and hit her head and her tooth (somehow… I have no idea) and was screaming and bleeding (from her mouth) so I had to run and get her ice from the other side of the mosque… Grrrrr.

Then I cut my finger with a scissors. Pretty bad. Blood and all.

Somehow I made it to the end of the day and while making a copy of the incident report I was stopped by the assistant principal who told me another parent was concerned about their kid not being challenged enough. Apparently he has gone from speaking in complete sentences to speaking like a baby. (It’s what happens when you’re in class with a bunch of other kids and a bunch of kids who are just learning English.) So I was asked to double plan and somehow make 2 groups, one of kids who need extra work and one of kids who don’t. She was very nice… she said I didn’t HAVE to, it was just something to think about.

In other words, I have to.

I will, but it’ll probably be a while.

I was hoping they’d give me more to do.

I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow. I did, but apparently G is for Guitar didn’t fly in the “Islamically correct” school rules and they “don’t encourage stringed instruments in their school.”

Yuck.

I told the construction workers I would trade them jobs today.

They thought I was kidding.

I wasn’t.

Are you listening? October 7, 2009

My kids were NOT listening today. I know they were hearing, they just weren’t listening. I would say something like “go sit on a mat” and they would wander over to the kitchen area. I would say something like “don’t touch that” and that would be the first thing they would touch. A couple kids in particular… I wanted to shake them. I didn’t, but I really wanted to.

It made me wonder when I’m not listening. Maybe it’s to someone talking to me or maybe it’s to what God wants to say… sometimes it’s hard to just shut up and listen up. I’ve tried just being still and listening for God’s voice, but sometimes it doesn’t come that easy. I’ve tried praying about something and waiting for an answer… most of the time it doesn’t come like that either. God speaks in his crazy ways… sometimes through someone else, sometimes through the opportunities that come, sometimes it’s through the Bible, sometimes it’s just something ridiculous when you’re like “Really, God? Is that REALLY what you want?”

The point is that He’s saying stuff.

Are you listening to it?