Simple Gifts October 6, 2009

This week has been long…and it’s only Tuesday. Work has felt like just that: WORK. Isn’t it the dream of everyone out there to be able to do what you love to do and get paid for it so that work isn’t really WORK and you go home at the end of the day fulfilled and ready to go back tomorrow? Even excited to go back tomorrow?

That’s not where I am yet. I’m still in the “do this for the paycheck and the resume” mode, thinking that someday I’ll get to the fulfilled-excited-ready-for-Monday me.

God’s got something else planned and while I’m waiting for that amazing job, I need to see the gifts that he has given me. The things that are possibly small, but that fill me up where my job doesn’t.

Evenings are a gift.

Weekends are a gift.

My friends are a gift.

My boyfriend is a gift.

My family (including my parents who are pretty great to live with) are a gift.

The Quarterlife ministry at my church is a gift.

So much I just skip over when I think about being fulfilled and happy… I tend to just look at the place where I”m spending the most time, not the places where I’m spending the happiest amount of time. I need to re-focus. I’m doing what God wants me to do and no, it doesn’t happen to be the happiest place on earth (I don’t work in Disney World), but it’s where I’m gonna be for the next 7.5 months.

Fulfillment  is just gonna have to come from somewhere else for now.

Conflict. And My Hatred There Of. October 5, 2009

I HATE conflict. H. A. T. E. it. It’s yucky, people get hurt. Things are taken out of context and relationships are changed. It really sucks.

I approached the 4-year-old teacher today to try to resolve the icky conflict that’s been happening between us. I didn’t get a chance to do it until nap time which was about 1:30 today and I was the first to break our silent game. I apologized for disrespecting her (not that I meant to do anything of the sort, I just happened to know that’s how she felt) and did not get straight up forgiveness. She chose to hang on to her hurt feelings. We also discovered that my idea of being a teacher of a class and hers is completely different… I consider how I handle things in my classroom to be my call, she takes that as me saying it’s “mine mine mine” and doesn’t think I’m a team player. I told her I would try to listen to her more.

My part is done.

I meant every word of what I said to her today, and while we still have a disagreement, I feel free to do what I need to do in my classroom, whether or not she agrees. I hope and pray that she eventually forgives me and moves on, but on my side I’m feeling ok.

The thing is that I as a Christian am called to a higher standard. I could have kept playing the silent game, sticking to my guns as she sticks to hers, fighting silently and sending our assistants to do our dirty work. The point is that that is not God’s best for us. That’s not the way it needs to be done. We are called to forgive 70 times 7. We are called to show our faith through our love. We are called to forgive and move on. It’s definitely not the easy thing to do. I most positively didn’t enjoy my conversation with the other teacher today, nor was I excited about going into her room and asking if we could talk, but it was the RIGHT thing to do.

Now my job as the Christian in that particular woman’s life is to pray for her. Pray that she can move past our differences. Pray that she can see Jesus through me. Pray that I don’t mess up Christianity for her forever. Pray that the Holy Spirit uses me in her life or in the lives of the others in that school.

Today, work felt like WORK. That’s something else I’ll be praying for… that work begins to feel like something else- like fun. Or like my mission field. Or like where I belong. Or even that it just comes a little easier. And that these days go FAST!!!

Teacher Drama October 2, 2009

Today was a great day with the kids! I could take them out to recess, we had tae kwon do (or running around in the gym) and I even got to show a video. It was a good day with those little guys… I actually enjoyed my time with them today, which is saying a lot.

I DID NOT enjoy my time with my co-workers.

So here’s the story…

We were in the gym for tae kwon do and my kiddos were running with the p.e. teacher. I saw one of my kids fall and I wasn’t quite sure how it happened or where he hit, I just went running and scooped him up. He was crying a little, so I calmed him down and the other teachers tried to tell me where he hit his head. I found a small red patch of skin on his face so after I calmed him down, I asked him if it hurt… “no.” Are you ok? “yes.” The red was already going away, so I decided to make the call that he didn’t need ice.

That was not the same call Mrs. 4-year-old teacher made. She came up to me, looked at him for a second, saw the red, and said to me “You need to get him ice. His face is red.” (Let me just say that if i was gonna go get ice, I would have to go about 5 minutes away, leaving my assistant in the gym with 14 little bodies. Plus we were on our way to lunch.) I said to her “I disagree, he’s gonna be fine.” She freaked out and went straight downstairs to the kindergarten teacher who happens to be the lead teacher of early childhood education. I saw her and decided to stick up for myself, saying “This is my class.” She got mad and stormed off. Yay.

Kindergarten teacher pulled the student aside, decided with me that he was fine (the red was gone by that point) and pulled me aside to talk about what was happening with me and the 4-year-old teacher. I told her what was going on and how I didn’t think she trusted my judgement, we went to talk to the assistant principal (the principal wasn’t there but heard about it from me later) and I found out some of the phrases used by the 4-year-old teacher were “She doesn’t know what she’s doing” and “That student is NOT ok” among others.

Mrs. 4 didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day, and returned a treat I had shared with her that had been given to me by a parent.

The kindergarten teachers both pulled me aside to tell me what a good job they think I’m doing.

Boo yah.

I seriously hate drama. I love the t.v. kind of drama- the Grey’s Anatomy Project Runway drama, but when it’s in my own life it makes me want to throw up. It’s so gross. I hope this all boils over soon… and that she lets me make my own calls.

Cause one thing’s for sure, this isn’t the girl who is gonna be run over by anyone, let alone a Muslim preschool teacher.

I know what I’m doing… kinda October 1, 2009

Here it is, the first day of October, and I have finally had the first day when I actually feel like I know what I’m doing. I had the kids under moderate control today, my discipline plan worked today with my 2-year-old,  and we didn’t even go outside for recess cause it was too rainy. There were only a few problems all day and they were controllable… for the most part. There’s still that part of me that says “This is ridiculous… I work with 8-11 year olds, not 3 year olds” but today I had those kids whipped into shape.

There was the kid who hit another kid over the head with his lunch box.

And there was the little girl who decided to twirl instead of hold on to my line rope as we were walking through the construction area.

And there was the little boy who was dropped off in the wrong place and everyone thought I had just let him wander off.

And I had a mom ask me why her daughter came home and kept calling everyone “pumpkin.” (I call my kids pumpkin sometimes… apparently more than I thought!)

But I left my desk clean and ready for tomorrow which is more than I can say for a lot of days.

I was reading the beginning of Luke last night, which I have probably read a million times, but last night I read it out of The Message. It struck me just how easily Mary was willing to take on this seemingly ridiculous task of  being pregnant while still being a virgin (as if anyone would honestly believe her) and then giving birth to the Savior of the world. If it was me, I have a feeling that instead of saying “Be it unto me just as you have said,” I’d be a little more towards the “Uhhh… can I think about it for a while?” side of things. Compared to that, it seems like the calling God has given me is not quite demanding. And to think- she’d have to be 6 months pregnant at this point… done with her visit to her cousin who knew what was happening with her before she was even told. It’s kind of amazing how God works things out for the best!

Praying he’ll continue to work this year out for the best too… I know he will… I think.

Tiny Blue Chairs and Being Clean September 30, 2009

About 2 weeks ago, about when I was getting my 19th student, I asked the school administration for enough chairs to go with the number of students I had in my class. They ordered them and I was extremely excited to finally receive these chairs, thinking they would solve a problem or two I had in my classroom.

I got the chairs today. There are 6 and they are a good 4 inches shorter than the other chairs in my classroom and while they are appropriately sized for a small 3-year-old , they are MUCH too small to use at the tables in my classroom. I have had dolls in my past large enough to fill the likes of these chairs. And yet, I need to be thankful because administration granted my request and gave me something for these kids to sit on. It’s looking right now like I will either have to stack them in 2s to use them at the tables or they become the “time out” chairs. More likely the later. Thanks for that.

I recently got in trouble with my favorite kindergarten teacher about having the kids sit on the floor while they were waiting after going to the restroom. Apparently the floor is “unclean” and when the kids sit on the floor, they get “unclean” and when anyone touches the kids who have been sitting on the “unclean” floor they also become “unclean.” So, the solution to the problem became to use the two separate benches in the locker room part of the bathroom that are completely separated by lockers. A management nightmare, especially considering one of us has to be in the toilet area making sure the kids do their business and get their grubby little hands washed up. Yay.

I was talking with Alice (the assistant… come on, keep up!) today about what is considered “clean” and what is considered “unclean.” She said that if you sleep, eat, touch anything “dirty” or when you’ve got “lady stuff” going on, you are considered unclean and thus unfit to pray to Allah. (They also consider pigs, pork, and dogs to be unclean.)Which then means you have to do your washing (head, nose, mouth, hands, arms, feet) (they call it wubu) again and make yourself “clean” again. It made me sad to think that the god they worship cares more (or at least just as much) about the “cleanliness” of his people than he does about the actual person underneath the “uncleanliness.”

How thankful am I that I can go to God anytime I want and not have to worry that I’ve touched something that will make me unfit to worship. How thankful am I that I am completely clean in His sight, no matter what I happen to touch or what I happen to do that day. (Or even when things are beyond my control.) Just the thought of being able to do something they can’t do makes me want to do it all the more! It’s amazing I’m not praying all the time!

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

It’s kinda fun to be able to do what they can’t. To be free in my religion where they are bound.

I ate pork for dinner tonight. It was yummy.

I’m also thankful for my time out chairs. I thanked God for them. I didn’t wash.

Make that 21 September 29, 2009

Yes, it happened. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten too excited when they said I would only have 20… (haha only 20!) I got my twenty first student today. He doesn’t speak English. Of course not. Why would he?

Well, today was crazy. The kids were wound up, I was sleepy (and running behind all day long) and my assistant was kinda out of it. Craziness and all, we went to the cafeteria for lunch. Everything went like normal- I opened everyone’s everything, I heated up lunches, I cleaned up spills and peanut buttery faces, no problem. We finally get up to go back to the classroom, I in front, my assistant in back. We get past the playground with a lot of difficulty and into the classroom where Alice the assistant says “Who are we missing?” I look around and can’t tell right away (it doesn’t help that I never have the same exact group of students everyday) and the kids again are crazy and I’m preoccupied trying to get everything to settle down and before I know it, my favorite kindergarten teacher is back with my new, lost student… and his mom. Thankfully, she covered for me, but then proceeded to chew me and my assistant out for loosing a student. (I suppose we deserved that.)

All I could think of is how Jesus said he would leave 99 behind to find the one who wandered off. I know he was talking about sheep and I’m no shepherd, but I do know that sheep are pretty dumb creatures. Probably similar (at best) to my little guys. (Not to say they’re dumb at all… just VERY young and with little knowledge.) Leaving my 18+ behind to find one would be ridiculous. It would be almost impossible… knowing how my munchkins are I can imagine that when I got back with Little Lost One the others would be climbing the walls all over the school. But still, that’s how Jesus treats us. That’s how he sees us. We are SO important to him he’d leave the rest to come get us out of whatever confusion or mess we’re in. It’s pretty amazing.

I need to be more like that.

Today I worked at home until much later than I should have. I HAVE to get organized. I HAVE to have a plan. Too much is up in the air. I have ideas but I haven’t followed them through… That’s gonna change this week.

Teachable Moments September 28, 2009

As a teacher, you’re constantly on the lookout for teachable moments. Times or places where the students can see what you’re talking about in real life. I had a couple today… one when we talked about the American flag (we’re learning that we live in the United States) and another when we were out on the playground looking at the fall leaves. It’s a neat thing for the kids to see that what happens inside is true outside too.

It made me think about God’s teachable moments. Times when He says “Hey, look at that. That’s what I was trying to tell you all along!” Sometimes it’ll be in the love of someone else that makes me think of how much more Jesus loves us. Sometimes it’ll be when I’m outside on a beautiful fall day that makes me think of how He created everything and saw that it was good.

It’s really neat to have your eyes opened again to things that you’ve learned before. I’m so glad it works that way and I’m not expected to understand everything RIGHT NOW. It’s easier to enjoy life.

Cute story from my day: During circle time, one of my little girls (who happens to be a favorite but I didn’t say that) just looked up at me and said

“Khala Megan?”

“Yes, Naima?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Naima.”

“Can I have a hug?”

It warmed my heart. Sometimes that’s all you need to remind you why you’re doing what you’re doing. And to keep you coming back tomorrow.

Sadness September 25, 2009

I had a great day today. The best I’ve had since I started this job. We only had 16 munchkins show up and  I started a new discipline plan with my 2-year-old, which worked miraculously.

Then I went to the school I classroom assisted in last year.

I saw a bunch of my kids from last year. I chatted with the teachers I assisted last year. I picked up a shirt I had dropped off to be decorated when I thought I was still going to work there. It hurt my heart to be in that building and not be a part of what was happening.

I missed everything about it… especially the people. I loved the teachers I worked with last year. They were so wonderful to work with and although that job could be frustrating at times when I was ready to have  a class of my own, I was appreciated and everyone (including myself) believed in what I could do and my abilities. Plus I could wear my own clothes. (I’ve been missing my clothes lately… work out clothes everyday sounds cool but after a month it’s old.)

It sucks to be so prepared for something, so ready, and then go into something completely different, using little to none of the skills you had prepared to use. It sucks to feel so un-used and over-used at the same time… I come home from work exhausted every day but my knowledge of how to teach a third grader is completely untouched. It just really sucks.

And so I’m sad.

I know I’m gonna keep working through all of it- I’m not someone who gives up. I just really miss teaching the kids I know how to teach. I really miss my people. I really miss knowing what I’m doing.

So here’s that verse again… it’s becoming my theme of this year.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. -James 1:2-4

Control September 24, 2009

I’m a control freak.

I know the first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one, so there you go. I know there are some of you (those who know me well) who are reading this thinking “We know, Megan. We know.” But the point is that I know.

I realized I was a control freak today when I realized the source of my happiness the last few days. The other assistant (who was splitting her time between my classroom and the 4-year-olds) likes to take charge as well and is NOT afraid of making her opinions known. She always had something to say about whatever I was doing and while it was normally ok, it was still her trying to take charge of a classroom I was attempting to put my name and personal touch on.

Now, I have an assistant who doesn’t really know what she’s doing so acts as my third and fourth hand. I can ask her to do something and she’ll do it, no questions asked. Today she even told me that if I need her to do more to just tell her.

Well wasn’t that music to my little control freak ears. She wants me to tell her what to do. Awesome.

Or maybe less than awesome.

As a control freak, I sometimes have a hard time listening to other opinions and taking other ideas of how to do things into consideration. Not always, but sometimes. It’s not always the prettiest picture… I’ll hear an idea and proceed to do it MY way, which can’t be what God wants me to do or how he wants me to behave. I can only imagine if I had another job option this school year what I would have done… it would have been up to ME, not what God wanted. I would have chosen the easy path… the one more traveled by… and ended up learning a whole lot less and possibly be a part of less of a ministry. God knows me and knows what he’s doing. Which is why he put me in this position. It seems strange to say that considering how much it truly isn’t a job tailor made for me, but it’s true. I think that sometimes the only way to grow is to be stretched.

Which is what He’s doing with me.

SO maybe what I needed to realize was another weakness. Maybe the solution comes with the realization that being a control freak isn’t necessarily a good thing. Maybe (and just maybe) God knows better than me.

Ok, yeah, God knows better than me. Hallelujah.

SIDE NOTE FOR TEACHERS. AND MOMS…

What would you do with a child who will not sit down, will not do an activity, cries at the drop of a hat or at the giving of instructions, has at least 1 daily potty accident, and constantly redirects in attempt to get you distracted? (P.S. This is my special 2-year-old friend. Her mom has what she calls an “aggressive personality” and is the kindergarten teacher at the same school. She likes to come in my classroom a lot, too.) I’m stuck. And out of ideas. HELP!!!

20 puppies September 23, 2009

I got my 20th student today… and was promised NO MORE!!! I’m just thanking God she speaks English! And hoping all 20 don’t show up on the same day!

I am so happy to report that today was a good day! No major discipline issues, no melt-downs, no issues that didn’t have an almost immediate resolution.

It was so very nice for a change!

I think most of it had to do with the fact that I have my very own assistant who is capable of handling the kids, but who almost blindly follows my lead and direction. It sounds so harsh saying it that way- she does have opinions and thoughts of her own, but as she has ZERO experience with preschool, she is taking her job as assisting me as simply that- assisting me. It’s awesome. Our powers and the amazing Encyclopedia of Activities for 3-Year-Olds combined and we’ll knock this school year out.

Ok, maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself.

I do have my one 2-year-old to manage.

Not a day goes by when she doesn’t have an accident, cry over the directions I give, and go in for the hug right when I really need her to sit in her chair and do her work. She alone could give Alice (the assistant) a day’s worth of work. And tomorrow will be the same song and dance… tears and pee, running and refusing to sit and color. The similarities between her and a puppy are remarkably close.

God is probably laughing at me for the trouble I’m having keeping my patience with this one little girl who couldn’t weigh more than 30 lbs, knowing full well that I’m gonna need the fruit that comes from this later in my life. The truth is that as hard as it is to have patience with this little puppy/child, my walk will be strengthened by the difficulty. And as I grow, day by day, it will become easier, day by day.

I really hope the opposite isn’t true… as good of a day as it was it still wasn’t easy!